For many people who were abused as children, social connection is the opposite of easy.
In fact, it can get downright awkward and lead to lying, being promiscuous and other manipulative behaviours – or, it can leave you feeling the most comfortable alone, or completely left out, left behind and alone.
When banishing yourself is safer than seeking connection, you are in ‘enemy territory’ – always.
This social disorientation keeps proving that your instincts are right. People are dangerous and untrustworthy, and you have to stay in control of how you fit (or don’t fit) into the world or you will probably experience even more trauma.
I have seen many patients with chronic illness or chronic pain, as well as people recovering from addiction, go through similar social disorientation. Your Polyvagal System is not just about survival. It has another role in being the gatekeeper of releasing tension through connection, especially physical touch, hugging, play, and making love.
This need is one of the reasons Yoga and Qi Gong are practiced around the world.
Reconnecting with your embodied experience, shaking off the tension, releasing somatic trauma, breathing with awareness and intention, are all pathways home to your birthright of physical and social ease.
The Third Wound of trauma can take years to heal. Being vulnerable enough to risk losing control in front of others is also a powerful ally.
Healing circles have been around since language for a reason.